What about giving the gift of listening this season?
Photo by Sarah Hannigan
As a coach, colleague, mom, spouse, friend, daughter, sister, neighbor, I can’t imagine a better gift to give anyone than listening. The concept of “listening to connect” has greatly expanded my understanding of what it means to listen well. When I first heard of this concept I was immediately challenged, as I considered how I was more likely to listen to prove or defend, then to listen to connect.
Self-observation is a powerful coaching tool. It helps us identify our habits and see how they are allowing or preventing our best intentions from becoming real. Self-observation takes a commitment to pay close attention to what we think and feel and say and do. Once I made it my intention to listen to connect, I discovered numerous habits of conversation that thwart my desire to connect to others. These include planning my response while another person is still talking, as well as giving advice even when I'm not asked for it. And my son is not the least bit shy to point out that I don't seem to hear him when I'm looking at one of my devices. Well, duh!
What happens when you listen to connect? My guess is that it will be as much of a gift to yourself as it is to the one you give it to.
*I learned about “listening to connect” from Judith Glaser’s work on “conversational intelligence.”
